Ramblings of a Starbeam

I am sad a lot. I feel like society tells me to just cover my sadness and not talk about it. But I am sad a lot. I cry. I’m very sensitive. There are lots of horrific things going on in the world and in life. I practice gratitude and I am happy for my life. But I am very regularly sad. I feel kinda embarrassed to admit it. I may have depression. It does run in my family. I have never been diagnosed with it but I match the criteria. I have had a doctor or two try to put me on antidepressants. I don’t know if they would be helpful but I am afraid of them. I have tried to cope in unhealthy ways to manage the feelings. Lately I have just been allowing myself to be sad. It’s hard. No one teaches you how to sit with this shit. Everyone teaches you to run away or cover it up. It doesn’t work. I have been running from it for too long. I am allowing myself to be with it more, and minimally cope enough that I don’t pretend like it isn’t there. I am sad. I am happy also. But I am sad also. And I

This is to my white folks. Reverse racism? Is it a thing? This is a term that people fight over. So I am not going to touch on this for a moment. Instead, I am going to start with the term prejudice. Is everyone prejudice? Yes. We evolved to quickly identify members of our ingroup and outgroup. Our tribe would protect us, where others would be a threat. Tribalism is deeply ingrained in our biology to help us survive. We are created to be prejudice to keep ourselves safe. All groups have stereotypes. White people's stereotype is that they are entitled and owed the world. We believe that everyone should cater to us. We are a people of conquering and we have conquered the world, other people, and our environment. Our culture is the dominant culture throughout the world. That is why there isn't a label of "white culture." If you have friends of other races, you will hear jokes such as "white people" and "white culture." White people don't r

I am 30 days sober! That's pretty amazing with everything going on. I decided to take a break from drinking because my mental health was struggling and I was overusing it to cope with everything including the pandemic, the Black Lives Matter Movement, and each new worry we hear about. I have discovered a lot about myself. I have a lot of feelings that I don't like to deal with. I am a very sensitive person. I feel the emotions of others around me. I have this amazing capacity to be extremely joyful with people. It also allows me to feel extremely sad and worried about those who are suffering in this world. There is a lot of suffering in this world. It makes me want to hide from my feelings. Hiding wasn't going to help me. So alcohol wasn't contributing to a healthy life. It is actually a depressant. Your gut produces 90% of the serotonin that your brain uses.* When you are drinking, it messes up your gut. Ever have an alcohol poop? Yeah me neither because girls