Sadness

I am sad a lot.

I feel like society tells me to just cover my sadness and not talk about it. But I am sad a lot. I cry. I’m very sensitive. There are lots of horrific things going on in the world and in life. I practice gratitude and I am happy for my life. But I am very regularly sad. I feel kinda embarrassed to admit it. I may have depression. It does run in my family. I have never been diagnosed with it but I match the criteria. I have had a doctor or two try to put me on antidepressants. I don’t know if they would be helpful but I am afraid of them. I have tried to cope in unhealthy ways to manage the feelings. Lately I have just been allowing myself to be sad. It’s hard. No one teaches you how to sit with this shit. Everyone teaches you to run away or cover it up. It doesn’t work. I have been running from it for too long. I am allowing myself to be with it more, and minimally cope enough that I don’t pretend like it isn’t there.

I am sad. I am happy also. But I am sad also. And I don’t want to hide it anymore.

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