Here's the DL on my trauma, either for your empathy or morbid curiosity.
I have been having so many flashbacks. This is why I used to drink. Drinking would help me feel safe in my body. It would drown out the pain that was so loud. I have been alcohol free for over 120 days now. Trigger alert: childhood sexual abuse. I have been having visceral and visual flashbacks of being sexually abused when I was 5 years old. Recently when I was intimate with my partner, I couldn't close my eyes because I would be back there. Being molested at 5 years old multiple times and being threatened is horrific. If I pray to God to save me, if I am not saved, does that mean I deserve this? I am so little that this must be true. It's not true. I know that now. But all I felt like for such a long time was a sex object. Who does that to a kid, to a person? This shit has been buried so deep in me that it has only been coming out the last few years. What happened during covid almost broke me but it allowed me to uncover this deeply buried trauma that has sabotaged my lif