My intention wasn't to slander. My intention was to see if someone else had experienced the same.

 Last fall I spoke of an assault by a previous partner. I didn’t mean to smear anyone’s name.

I posted in the Are We dating the Same Guy group because I wanted to see if anyone else had my experience. I didn't post for a long time because I didn't want to deal with it. I initially posted anonymously. My posts weren't getting noticed so I posted it with my name attached to it. 

My posts were deleted without any explanation in this group. I tried posting 3 times. I was soon kicked out of the group because I kept posting about being censored. After my posts were deleted, I started to notice some weird behavior happen around me that made me believe my name had been smeared in an alternative group. The text messages sent from my ex stated that I didn't want a "he said, she said thing."  

When it comes down to the facts, I didn’t know if a lack of consent was intentional or not. We both had been drinking. People do things when they’re drinking that they wouldn’t do when they are sober. Consent isn’t clearly taught and drinking blurs lines.

I had a trauma response. I froze. I wasn't able to speak up that I didn't want the experience. I say anything for a time but I kept having this nagging feeling that I needed to do something about it. So I followed my gut and posted about it. I wanted to make sure that it didn’t happen to anyone else.

I didn’t file a police report because it was a he said she said thing. I don’t want to put myself on the stand to be interrogated about my intoxication levels. I also don’t expect the justice system to treat a person of color fairly against a white woman.

That’s why I wanted to see if anyone else had dealt with it. I wasn't trying to slander his name. 

If he is willing to reach out and talk to me about this, I hope we can find some resolution. I can work to trust that his intention wasn't to be malicious if he is willing to see that it wasn't my intention to be malicious either.