What my crazy amazing life has given to me

I am grateful for it all. I know you hear me complain but I am grateful for it all. 

My life has taught me to have compassion, centeredness, and have lots of fun. I love myself so much; I am in love with me. How grateful I am to be able to say that. 

My life has given me sorrows that I don't wish on another. It has taken me to the edge of sanity to see what lies beneath. I am grateful to have stayed above the surface in my sanity. It has given me perception into the below while building appreciation for sanity - what a beautiful gift. 

I am grateful to be a therapist. I understand the importance of the skills. I know how to use the skills. My individual therapy has taught me to use coping skills and being a therapist has deepened my appreciation. 

I appreciate the different job experiences that I have worked. I worked as a collector for a major credit card company from 2009 to 2013. That taught me the importance of saving and not accumulating credit card debt. I am living a humble life now because of my beginnings in employment at 18 years. (Also thank you to the housing market of 2015 - I'm sorry for those who are losing due to the housing situation. But it has allowed me a home to call my own and has been a home to many others.) I will never work as a collector again but it gave me insight to how the game works. 

I am grateful for my different mentors at different periods in my life who have carried me along, gave me something to chase for. 

I yearn for deep connection to self, my community, my family, friends, and world. I have learned the biases that have been inherited from my family while actively challenging outright prejudice. 

I am grateful for the relationships that have had their time and place. I wish I wouldn't have waited so long to end them; maybe we could have stayed friends. It just meant that I deeply loved you and I wanted it to work. I am sorry for the hurt that I have caused you, I am sorry for the pain that I allowed to be inflicted on me due to my lack of boundaries. A different person in the same place would have responded differently; I am accountable for my reactions and staying in the places. 

I am grateful for this keyboard, for the hours that were spent developing it, to hold hours of data, connection to a worldwide web that connects me to peoples on the opposing side of the planet. 

I am grateful for it all... There are things that sometimes I wish I could change. But then I hold her tightly and thank her, thank her for getting me through it, the memories that my little body held, my little body endured. I hold her through her stages of life, her confusion, her search. I hold her. I squeeze her. I love her deeper and thank her again. She saved me and I saved her. 

Thank you to those to getting me through the endless maze of confusion. I am grateful for a religion that kept me out of trouble and connected to a community that held me through my teenage years. I wouldn't be who I am without it. I have some scars that went deep, but maybe I would have different, uglier scars were it not for her. 

I love my parents, all of them. My mother, my father, my mother, all of my ex-spouses parents (married officially only once but pretty sure I'm on my third or fourth divorce now LOL). 

Thank you for those who are reading. Your vibes support me. Even the negative. I see you watching *winks* 

The destruction has been essential to the rebirth. It is not a pretty process; it is quite painful. When they say painful, it means seeing the bad things that have happened to you, the bad things that you have done, and the ways that you have contributed to both your successes and failures. Rebirthing is beautiful and it is worth it. You can do it too. Just shed all that old shit baby. Just let it go ~~~

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