Dear M

I want to apologize for crossing your verbal boundaries. It was never my intention to cause harm but I did so I am sorry for that. I apologize to H for crossing their boundaries also. I wasn't trying to change our relationship; I wanted to share how I felt and feel acknowledged. But it was inappropriate for your monogamous values so I am again sorry for sharing my feelings. 

If I missed cues, I am sorry for that. I realize that I am not always great at reading cues. If I said things that were kinda weird or creepy, dude I am totally embarrassed and sorry. I say whatever is on my mind sometimes which is like uh Sunny - inside thoughts bro. 

We were bad influences on each other. There were several things that I hadn't done until I met you. I take responsibility for my actions and I was also influenced by you to make certain decisions. It was fun but we couldn't be friends in the same way anymore because we both don't want to be like our past selves. 

I do think it is important that you take accountability for your influence on our interactions. There is a power imbalance in our relationship but you are a sovereign being. I am older so I technically have power. But I was in no way a drill sergeant or bossy pants in our friendship. I was bossy when I was your landlady. I have worked a lot on that. Our dynamic changed when you moved out. 

In our friendship, I spent energy to make sure you had what you wanted. I respected your nos and your limits, when you expressed them. I verbally encouraged you that I was a safe place for you to practice setting boundaries. I would ask you what you wanted and encourage you to speak for yourself. I made space for what you wanted. 

Anyways, if you see this, I hope that you are well. I missed two years out on being friends with Erica, and then Steve died. Life is short. Now Erica is an amazing roommate. Bro she built an amazing garden and chickens!!! It turns out there was interference that led to her and I's fallout by a ex third party who said bad things to both Steve and I. Sometimes significant others are intimidated by the relationship of friends. If Helena makes you happy, that is all that I want for you. 

I always wish that you do what is best for you and I want that for you. I still miss you. I hope you are doing okay on your journey <3