Mid Life Crisis

Last year, 2024, I had a mid-life crisis. I questioned everything in my life, myself, my community, my relationships. I felt as though I picked shards of glass out of my body, my heart, my stomach, my mind. 

I have tried so hard my entire life y'all. I have had moments of falter; haven't we all? I still did my best to repair any harm that I had done. 

My body feels new. I know all of the pain isn't gone yet, but I feel alive. I feel happy. I feel brave and unafraid. I got me and I am showing up for me in ways I never have. 

I had to make a choice. I had to show up better for myself because my life had gotten so chaotic it was flowing over. I no longer felt safe in my own home. My home has been a sanctuary that I created for myself. But I let it be corrupted because I wanted to be loved. 

I am so grateful to the decision that I made to take a break from alcohol. I encourage you to take a break longer than you are comfortable with of any of your vices. Think that you can go one month but two months would be hard? Challenge yourself. 

Overuse of any substance can numb us. Some numbing is okay. But we numb ourselves too far, there are consequences. We miss out on the raw vulnerability and beauty of life. 

Additionally, I left situations and people that made me feel crazy. I have found my sanity and I will never let that be taken away again. I have to make daily choices to preserve it and I will not care about things that do not care back, including people. If you ain't showing up for me, go ride somewhere else. 

Thank you to those people who showed up for me and supported me. Thank you to the people who reached out to ask me how I was doing. 

My last year was hellish: I kicked out roommates, I had a friend and partner break up, my grandma died, I had another falling out with mother for several months, I overdid EMDR to a point where I was mentally unstable, I remembered icky things. Breathwork kept me connected. But I kept showing up to move and do the work. I chose that. I am proud of me. 

And now I want to do something with my new found freedom. I want to help others find what they want too. If someone needs love and they feel unlovable, I want to be there in the capacity I can be, even if it is as simple as liking someone else's post. Sending you a little love too. Take care of yourself kid. We are all kids inside truly. <3xo Sarah Ruth aka Rah aka the sunshine friend

Unless you are my exes. Then I don't want you at my table sorry not sorry. 

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