Powerful Priestess Productions

As a person who is partially disabled myself, it is key that we find a way to make meaning of our suffering. I know it's like the most toxic positivity shit amiright? RIGHT AND WRONG. Shit sucks. It sucks hardcore. Anndddd if we don't make something bigger out of it, we will dwindle away into sour little things. I don't want to dwindle away into a sour little thing. I understand that some people are overcome by their burdens and my heart is so so sad for them. I pray for them that they may find a pathway out the mental hell that reality sometimes is. I feel sorry for every living thing that lives in utter torture. What a sad sad way to live.  Escaping hell myself, I want to share my happiness. Not because I am trying to fix yours. You fix yours or don't fix yours. Keep your shit to yourself if I don't want it. Not my fucking problem. But it is my fucking problem that I feel compelled to speak about my god forsaken journey. So here I go. I will share my insanity with...

Most people have their favorite race. Most people have a least favorite race. I recognize people are going to shake their heads at me but I gotta talk about it because I’m the white queer "lady" with privilege. My favorite race is black and white swirl (in honor of my sister who hates our whole family).  My favorite gender is femme. To my white men, seriously I wouldn’t be who I am without you guys. That being said, my least favorite human sub category is white men. Some of my favorite people are white men!!! It is a much bigger problem than a single individual so it’s not your fault 🫶 Generations and systems have created what we have today.  So all those white man haters out there - if you don't want white men to demonize your category, you can't demonize white men either. When I hear people joke about men, I'm like damn if I said that about a queer person, I would get a new asshole from my friends. In math, some of us learned that two negatives don't equal ...

*trigger warning: child SA*  I woke up feeling sad. My first instinct is to externalize my feelings. But I have been doing something different. I have been sitting with my feelings and letting them talk with me.  While I was at the gym working out, I was having flashbacks. My body is in safe relationships so she has been processing lots more memories. Oh yay! - healing! -  fack me LOL  As I was laying on the bench doing press ups (who knows if that's what they are actually called), I had a visceral flashback. What does visceral mean? It means that how my body felt after abuse comes into my body. When my body was violated violently, it taught me how to dissociate from reality. That put me into a daydream spell any time after.  The first time was violent. That's how an abuser keeps a victim's silence. The consecutive times can be quicker and happen at a much faster pace, which makes it hard to detect. When a kid starts acting out though, there are signs. No one wa...

 Trigger warning.  For example, sexual assault was when I pretended to be asleep and the man pulled my pants off. That was a sexual assault before I kicked him off of me.  When I felt uncomfortable but allowed myself to be coaxed, I didn't say no to the older man at the bar, that was an unwanted sexual experience. My childhood grooming made me feel like I didn't have a choice but at no point did I say the interaction was unwanted out loud.  Rape is something more than sexual assault. Rape is when I told my partner that I didn't want to have sex but he pushed me onto the bed and pulled off my clothes. I whimpered before turning pain into pleasure, satisfying myself three times so it wouldn't be rape, right?  Kill proven rapists. None of this accused shit. People accuse rape all of the time when it is an unwanted sexual experience, or even when they regret it. If racism is a potential factor for prosecuting someone, don't kill them because how could it really be f...

 Hello all - welcome to my blog. I like to talk about my feelings here.  I am feeling overall better these days. It's really nice. It makes the harder days more confusing.  I love my body but I also have a little bit of hatred for the things that she went through and that I have to wear the flashbacks on my skin. I was intimate with my partner last week and I had to stop him because the flashback was too overwhelming. Parts of my body have been kinda numb since.  I disassociate a lot from my body. Last year when my pain was too much for my body to handle, I felt like a zombie. I honestly don't know how I didn't end up in a hospital on self- harm watch yall. Oh yeah, breathwork!  I have been still struggling with s*icide ideation. It sounds like a christian prayer to go to heaven. Please lord take me this time. So the bad days I still experience this. But I am working to replace the death wish with a plan for my future.  I am planning this beautiful vision f...

 When sadness is too much, it turns into anger. So many people are so angry in this country. We need more kindness to cure the anger.  I have been angry before. Too angry. I am so grateful to not be in that space anymore. I still don't like feeling my feelings though. I am a therapist who likes to avoid :)  I have had a break from processing my trauma. I have enjoyed it. I need to resume processing, at a much healthier pace, not something that pushes me to near psychosis. I am afraid to process more pain but I know that it will be better for me in the long run.  BRB, I am working on myself. 

Last year, 2024, I had a mid-life crisis. I questioned everything in my life, myself, my community, my relationships. I felt as though I picked shards of glass out of my body, my heart, my stomach, my mind.  I have tried so hard my entire life y'all. I have had moments of falter; haven't we all? I still did my best to repair any harm that I had done.  My body feels new. I know all of the pain isn't gone yet, but I feel alive. I feel happy. I feel brave and unafraid. I got me and I am showing up for me in ways I never have.  I had to make a choice. I had to show up better for myself because my life had gotten so chaotic it was flowing over. I no longer felt safe in my own home. My home has been a sanctuary that I created for myself. But I let it be corrupted because I wanted to be loved.  I am so grateful to the decision that I made to take a break from alcohol. I encourage you to take a break longer than you are comfortable with of any of your vices. Think that you c...