Powerful Priestess Productions

*trigger warning: child SA*  I woke up feeling sad. My first instinct is to externalize my feelings. But I have been doing something different. I have been sitting with my feelings and letting them talk with me.  While I was at the gym working out, I was having flashbacks. My body is in safe relationships so she has been processing lots more memories. Oh yay! - healing! -  fack me LOL  As I was laying on the bench doing press ups (who knows if that's what they are actually called), I had a visceral flashback. What does visceral mean? It means that how my body felt after abuse comes into my body. When my body was violated violently, it taught me how to dissociate from reality. That put me into a daydream spell any time after.  The first time was violent. That's how an abuser keeps a victim's silence. The consecutive times can be quicker and happen at a much faster pace, which makes it hard to detect. When a kid starts acting out though, there are signs. No one wa...

 Trigger warning.  For example, sexual assault was when I pretended to be asleep and the man pulled my pants off. That was a sexual assault before I kicked him off of me.  When I felt uncomfortable but allowed myself to be coaxed, I didn't say no to the older man at the bar, that was an unwanted sexual experience. My childhood grooming made me feel like I didn't have a choice but at no point did I say the interaction was unwanted out loud.  Rape is something more than sexual assault. Rape is when I told my partner that I didn't want to have sex but he pushed me onto the bed and pulled off my clothes. I whimpered before turning pain into pleasure, satisfying myself three times so it wouldn't be rape, right?  Kill proven rapists. None of this accused shit. People accuse rape all of the time when it is an unwanted sexual experience, or even when they regret it. If racism is a potential factor for prosecuting someone, don't kill them because how could it really be f...

 Hello all - welcome to my blog. I like to talk about my feelings here.  I am feeling overall better these days. It's really nice. It makes the harder days more confusing.  I love my body but I also have a little bit of hatred for the things that she went through and that I have to wear the flashbacks on my skin. I was intimate with my partner last week and I had to stop him because the flashback was too overwhelming. Parts of my body have been kinda numb since.  I disassociate a lot from my body. Last year when my pain was too much for my body to handle, I felt like a zombie. I honestly don't know how I didn't end up in a hospital on self- harm watch yall. Oh yeah, breathwork!  I have been still struggling with s*icide ideation. It sounds like a christian prayer to go to heaven. Please lord take me this time. So the bad days I still experience this. But I am working to replace the death wish with a plan for my future.  I am planning this beautiful vision f...

 When sadness is too much, it turns into anger. So many people are so angry in this country. We need more kindness to cure the anger.  I have been angry before. Too angry. I am so grateful to not be in that space anymore. I still don't like feeling my feelings though. I am a therapist who likes to avoid :)  I have had a break from processing my trauma. I have enjoyed it. I need to resume processing, at a much healthier pace, not something that pushes me to near psychosis. I am afraid to process more pain but I know that it will be better for me in the long run.  BRB, I am working on myself. 

Last year, 2024, I had a mid-life crisis. I questioned everything in my life, myself, my community, my relationships. I felt as though I picked shards of glass out of my body, my heart, my stomach, my mind.  I have tried so hard my entire life y'all. I have had moments of falter; haven't we all? I still did my best to repair any harm that I had done.  My body feels new. I know all of the pain isn't gone yet, but I feel alive. I feel happy. I feel brave and unafraid. I got me and I am showing up for me in ways I never have.  I had to make a choice. I had to show up better for myself because my life had gotten so chaotic it was flowing over. I no longer felt safe in my own home. My home has been a sanctuary that I created for myself. But I let it be corrupted because I wanted to be loved.  I am so grateful to the decision that I made to take a break from alcohol. I encourage you to take a break longer than you are comfortable with of any of your vices. Think that you c...

Note: I am sharing what I believe. I will respect your beliefs if you will respect mine <3  Jesus was a cool dude.  But there are some plot holes in the story. The story goes that he began preaching when he was 30 years old. Why did he have to wait so long? If he was as amazing as the stories told, he didn't need to be 30 years old because he would have been able to conduct miracles before that. My theory is that he was much more of a regular dude than religion portrays him out to be.  I think Jesus is awesome. His parables inspire hope in millions of people. I believe that Jesus is the son of god like that we are all god's children because we came from source. Maybe there is a deity called god. It would be cool to have a heavenly parent. Or gods like in Greek mythology or other pantheistic religions. I don't know and I am not attached to an idea. But essentially, we are all god's children because we are all made up of stardust and spiritual essence.  I do believe...

I am grateful for it all. I know you hear me complain but I am grateful for it all.  My life has taught me to have compassion, centeredness, and have lots of fun. I love myself so much; I am in love with me. How grateful I am to be able to say that.  My life has given me sorrows that I don't wish on another. It has taken me to the edge of sanity to see what lies beneath. I am grateful to have stayed above the surface in my sanity. It has given me perception into the below while building appreciation for sanity - what a beautiful gift.  I am grateful to be a therapist. I understand the importance of the skills. I know how to use the skills. My individual therapy has taught me to use coping skills and being a therapist has deepened my appreciation.  I appreciate the different job experiences that I have worked. I worked as a collector for a major credit card company from 2009 to 2013. That taught me the importance of saving and not accumulating credit card debt. I am l...